Writing Tips & Tricks For Marketers, Part 3: Review – By James Harmon

This is the final part a three-part series on proposal writing tips. In this series, we will be discussing the final review process. If you missed the first two parts, catch up with Planning and Development!

I’m a senior marketing writer and editor with the national infrastructure firm HNTB. I also have a background as a college writing instructor. I love to write — it’s not just my living, it’s also what I pursue for leisure. None of this makes writing easy, though. Far from it. However, I’ve accumulated a number of tips and tricks from other professionals, as well as a few of my own.

“Hwæt!”

Why do we edit? Who cares about a misplaced comma? Will they really notice you wrote “teh” instead of “the?” Questions like these may tempt you as the proposal deadline approaches and stress levels rise.

Allow me to share an insight I had.

A few years ago, I was faced with a confluence of multiple lengthy proposals for review. I had been at it for so long I was seeing things — the letters were crawling across the screen like ants. So I got up and brewed a strong pot of Irish tea. Absorbing the tea’s vibrant malty aroma, I reflected on how in the past, I’d be a bard, rewarded in cattle for praising the local chieftain. Today, I’m singing my consultancy’s praises to the local department of transportation. Instead of cattle, I earn work for my colleagues.

This is where my mind goes under pressure. Perhaps it’s a strange thing to reflect on, but it’s stranger still how even though times have changed, many more things remain the same.

Case in point, the word Hwæt.

“Hwæt,” which rhymes with “cat,” is the first word of the classic Anglo-Saxon epic Beowulf. Hwæt is marketing distilled to its pure essence. It means roughly, “HEY! I’m talking here!” It’s what you say when you’re a lone bard in a mead hall full of drunken Anglo-Saxons.

We’re no longer trying to shut up a rowdy mead hall, but we are trying to silence the competition. With thousands of dollars invested in the proposal process, we want to give our proposals the edge they deserve.

That’s why, during the gold team (or QC) review, as I edit, I now ask, “Does this proposal say ‘Hwæt’? Does it grab my attention?”

Pruning the forest

As editors, we’re supposed to be gardeners, carefully pruning the text. But it often feels like we’ve been handed a pair of garden sheers to prune a forest. As daunting as the work may seem, the process is remarkably simple:

• Simplify verbs.
• Use meaningful nouns and engaging pronouns.
• Make prudent use of adjectives.
• Use very, very, very, very few adverbs.

Verbs — keep them simple!

Much of our writing can be improved, and our intent made clear, simply by using basic verb tenses. Write and edit as if you are a student learning a foreign language, and that foreign language is English. You’ve mastered your basic tenses — past, present, and future — but you still haven’t gotten to the harder constructions. Future perfect continuous — what’s that? In other words, instead of saying:

“We will have been constructing the bridge,”

favor

“We will construct the bridge.”

Sometimes, when your reviewers says, “This feels passive,” they may not use “passive” in the way you learned it in high school. Sometimes, instead of meaning, “The subject is being acted upon by the verb,” which is the conventional meaning of “passive voice,” they really mean, “Too many words!” That said, switching from passive voice to active voice often cuts down sentence length. For example, the difference between:

The team constructed the bridge.

and

The bridge is constructed by the team.

is two words! As an added bonus, this quick change simplifies your verb construction, and shines light through that dense forest of words.

Does this mean that you can only use simple verb tenses? Not at all. We need a little variety, and every verb tense has its purpose. However, if you’re wondering why your writing feels muddy and belabored, first check the verbs.

Hunt for hidden verbs.

Look out for hidden verbs — verbs that are moonlighting as nouns. They clutter your sentences. Hidden verbs disguise themselves in two ways:

1. Using endings like -ment, -tion, -sion, and ance
2. Combining with other verbs like achieve, effect, give, have, make, reach, and take. (Hidden verbs often like to hide behind the and of.)

Here are a couple examples of hidden verbs who thought they were fooling us with their disguises.

More Verbs — Look out for There is and there are

Nothing is wrong with either there is or there are, but they take up valuable real estate. Instead of writing:

“There is a culvert on the project site.”

just say:

“A culvert is on the project site.”

Nouns and pronouns

Nouns give verbs something to work with, and pronouns engage your readers. Use words your readers will understand, and avoid using an alphabet soup of confusing abbreviations if you can help it.

Cut down on noun sandwiches (aka too many adjectives)

I often come across sentences like this:

. . . the $3.5 billion, 1.7-mile-long, 57.5-foot diameter, double-deck, deep-bored SR 99 highway tunnel . . .

We haven’t even arrived at the verb, and I’m already exhausted. To conserve space, writers will overload a noun with a string of adjectives, ultimately obscuring the main subject. In general, use up to two adjectives in a row — three if you must. Otherwise, break them up, even if it means using more words. The above example can be rewritten as:

The $3.5 billion SR 99 tunnel is a deep-bored double-deck highway tunnel with a 57.5-foot diameter and is 1.7 miles long.

Pronouns

Proposals often rely on third-person pronouns to describe the client. The effect distances you from the reader. Imagine going to an auto dealership, and the whole time, the dealer talks like this: “The driver will love the ample storage space and sporty exterior.” You’d probably wonder who they’re talking to. “Hello? It’s me. I’m the driver. I’m standing right here!”

Here’s a good rule of thumb:

Lean on proof points, not adverbs.

Adverbs, like any other part of speech, have their purpose. They let us transition:

The plans were approved on schedule. Consequently, the construction can start on time.

They let us compare:

Our method is more efficient than the other.

They also let us emphasize:

Our project lead always focuses on schedule overrun issues.

However, they can also serve as crutches or shortcuts where proof points would serve better.

If you see a section where you are telling your reader, “We will closely monitor the contractor during the construction process,” consider also describing an instance where you practiced close monitoring.

Final Thoughts

Putting words on the page is easy. Arranging them effectively is not. But don’t give up! Good writing — writing that resonates and delivers a clear, vivid message — is something anyone can do. We’ve only skimmed the surface, but you now have some techniques you can use to start revising with confidence.

Additional Resources

Editing ranges from basic proofreading to copyediting, and includes:

• Reviewing paragraph organization and structure
• Editing for consistent voice, tone, and level of detail
• Maintaining active voice
• Checking for logical consistency and completeness
• Reviewing for conformance to the proposal style guide
• Checking for punctuation errors
• Using terms consistently
• Checking headers and footers, including page numbers
• Checking figures, captions and headings for consistency, coherence, and value to the reader
• Checking abbreviations and spelling

Here are some additional resources that will have your proposal practically screaming “Hwæt!”

Organizations

Various organizations for editors, journalists, and writers exist. I am a member of ACES: the Society for Editing. If you are considering joining an organization, this is the organization I’d recommend joining. The organization is a robust community where people can request judgment-free assistance or learn about handy resources. One more thing I like about ACES — each year, the organization hosts a conference (virtual, for those who can’t attend in person) where the executive editor of the Associated Press (AP), delivers an editorial equivalent of the state of the union. During this keynote presentation, she outlines all the major changes, clarifications, and updates for the year. It’s a great way to get the inside scoop ahead of all your peers!

Style Guides

Chicago Manual of Style and Associated Press

The two standards most other style guides derive from are Chicago Manual of Style (CMOS) and the AP Stylebook. While some people prefer having the print editions of each book, I’ve converted to the online versions, and have subscriptions to both. This is especially true in the case of the AP Stylebook, which is constantly updated throughout the year.

As a bonus, the online subscriptions include an Ask the Editor section featuring responses questions you have probably asked yourself. For those who insist on having the print editions, here are the versions of each book you should get:

• Chicago Manual of Style, 17th Edition
• AP Stylebook, 56th Edition

Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI)

The following are links to style guides and resources of leading journalist organizations for those committed to writing that resonates with the values of DEI.

1. Asian American Journalists Association (AAJA)
2. Conscious Style Guide
3. Indigenous Editors Association
4. International Women’s Media Foundation (IWMF)
5. National Association of Black Journalists (NABJ)
6. National Association of Hispanic Journalists (NAHJ)
7. National Center on Disability and Journalism (NCDJ)
8. National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association (NLGJA): The Association of LGBTQ Journalists
9. Religion Stylebook
10. The Diversity Style Guide
11. Trans Journalists Association (TJA)

Dictionaries

Why do you need two dictionaries? It’s a long, fascinating story, but the short answer is that the name “Webster” has been claimed by different publishers. AP uses Webster’s New World College Dictionary, while CMOS uses Merriam-Webster. In most cases, the differences are imperceptive. Every once in a while, however, you’ll get a word with two different spelling versions. If you subscribe to the online AP Stylebook, an online New World College Dictionary is included.

• Merriam-Websters Collegiate Dictionary, 11th Edition (also available with an online subscription)
• Webster’s New World College Dictionary, 5th Edition

English Usage Reference Books

Sometimes, the major style guides won’t have the answer you’re looking for. Or sometimes you’ll be called on to make your own style guide. Should you write “constructibility” or “constructability?” Is it “OK” or “okay?” Should you use periods in bulleted statements? So many style issues simply come down to personal preference. Having a way to justify your preference, however, adds authority to whatever decision you make.

• The Artful Edit: On the Practice of Editing Yourself – Susan Bell
• The Copyeditor’s Handbook, 4^th edition – Amy Einsohn and Marilyn Schwartz
• Garner’s Modern English Usage – Bryan A. Garner
• Copyediting: A Practical Guide – Karen Judd
• The Gregg Reference Manual, 11th edition – William A. Sabin
  (Note: This wonderful resource is out of print, and you can only get used copies, which can be very expensive. If “a friend” wants to “just borrow” your copy, I wouldn’t blame you if you insisted on collateral or a blood contract!)
• The Fine Art of Copyediting, 2nd edition – Elsie Meyers Stainton

Writers who talk about writing

The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White used to be name-checked as the writing book for serious writers. But this book is over 60 years old, and it actually references a book nearly 40 years old at the time of publication! A lot has changed, and many more valuable resources have been written since then.

• The Best Punctuation Book, Period – June Casagrande
• Murder Your Darlings and Other Gentle Writing Advice from Aristotle to Zinsser – Roy Peter Clark
• Writing Down the Bones – Natalie Goldberg
• Everybody Writes – Ann Handley
• On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft – Steven King
• Bird By Bird – Anne Lamott
• Listening to People – Annette Lareau
• The Little Red Writing Book – Brandon Royal
• On Writing Well – William Zinsser

. . . and OK, I suppose you might as well get the Strunk and White’s Elements of Style.

Trade books

• BNi Construction Dictionary Pocket Edition
• Handbook for Writing Proposals – Robert J. Hamper
• Integrated Taxonomic Information System
• The Non-Designers Design Book, 4th Edition – Robin Williams

Podcasts and Blogs

• Merriam-Webster Word of the Day (also available as a podcast)
• Merriam-Webster Word Matters (podcast)
• Grammar Girl Quick and Dirty Tips (both a podcast and website)
• Grammar Underground with June Casagrande (both a podcast and website)

James Harmon, PhD, CPSM, enjoys helping people express themselves in the best way possible to make their ideas shine. As the Senior Marketing Writer and Editor at HNTB, James specializes in content editing, technical writing and influential messaging of marketing collateral within the architecture, engineering, and construction sector. During a career of more than 20 years, James has served in a variety of communications-related capacities, including as an editor for a publishing company and professor of English and Composition at various community colleges and universities on the West Coast. Even off the clock, James enjoys writing, but if writing becomes too taxing, James finds that nothing is quite as inspiring and stress-relieving as a run along the beautiful Centennial Trail in northern Snohomish County. An enthusiastic member of SMPS, James is currently serving as the Seattle chapter's Secretary for the 2022 – 2023 term.